THE VISION

THIS PAST SUNDAY we continued in the Sun Stand Still series by discussing how to obtain a vision. Steven Furtick says, “If you’re going to ask God to do something impossible in your life, you’ve got to have some clarity about what you’re asking for.” And the best way to discover that and to begin to formulate your Sun Stand Still (or SSS as we call it) prayer is to “Spot the imposter.” The SSS Prayer is not a magic formula or genie that will just bring whatever you wish into being. We have to decipher between a SSS Prayer vs. an ordinary prayer. How do we do that? An SSS Prayer begins with an AUTHENTIC VISION.

Discovering God’s vision for your life is one of the primary ways God teaches you about His character. Seizing His big purpose for your life is not just about figuring out what God wants from you and getting down to business. It’s also about becoming intimately acquainted with who Jesus is. Usually, a God-given vision will begin when you see God dropping hints, not when you see him shooting stars in your direction. And your vision will probably flow from something you’re already doing – relationships you’ve already established, and priorities you’re already passionate about.

BUT THE BOTTOM LINE IS THIS: Before you can pray a SSS Prayer, asking God to do the impossible, you’ve got to set your sights on the specific impossible thing God wants you to trust Him for in your life. That can happen only when you see and seize God’s vision for your life. Sometimes this vision comes to you in clear, undeniable moments. Other times it sprouts slowly in the soil of everyday life.

Please hear us when we say, “It’s never too late to start seeking after God’s divine vision & destiny for your life!” You are not disqualified because of age or because of wasted years. No matter how far behind you feel, or how many opportunities you’ve squandered, you can begin to ask God to do the impossible in your life right now!

HOW DO WE DO THIS?

Accomplishing the impossible vision God has for you is all about:

• Seeing the Invisible. Once we begin to see how God’s strong, invisible hand is working in our daily lives, we begin to see what we’re passionate about, what our experiences have been, and what we’re gifted in.
• Seizing the Vision. If you want to see God do something impossible in your life, you’ve got to open your heart and mind to God’s vision for your life.
• Activating our Audacious Faith. Audacious faith starts when you choose to step out in strength not your own. Pursuing God’s larger purpose for your life will propel you to pray audacious SSS prayers.
• Making our Move. And when you act boldly on God’s supernatural answers, you’ll find yourself in the middle of a move of God.

NEXT STEPS

____ I will read Joshua 1 or Genesis 17:15-22 this week.
____ I will seek to discover God’s real vision for my life.
____ I will own up to the disobedience in my life.

Personal Application

1.) A God-given vision often exists at the intersection of our experiences, talents, and passions. Make a list of different experiences that you’ve had, things that you’re passionate about, and talents that God has given you.

2.) Now, see where those three things intersect. Where do your experiences, talents, and passions seem to line up? Could that be God’s vision for your life?

3.) What do you need to do or changes do you need to make in your life to see your vision come to pass?

“Jesus looked at them and said, ‘With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God.’” – Mark 10:27

This post will be weird. It’s hard for me to put into words what I’m trying to describe, so bear with it.

I was reading Joshua 1 this morning and besides the incredible encouragement from the Lord, something else struck me. God was speaking directly to Joshua. I mean, like buddy-to-buddy, chilling on the couch talking. And not just talking, but God was pouring some serious encouragement into Joshua. It was a deep talk. From God, the Creator of the universe.

As I was reading, I felt alone. I felt left out. I felt unnoticed.

……….I selfishly want God’s full attention. And when I feel like I don’t get it, I rely on other people to give me the attention that I crave, placing ridiculous expectations on them, and when they don’t deliver the way I feel I need, I get hurt even more.

I wrote down that I often feel included in the “y’all” of the bible. I don’t take it and stamp it with my name on it. “The Lord is with you…” is just a general “you all” in my eyes, hardly ever a “Rebecca, the Lord is with YOU”. I have a hard time wrapping my mind around and fully believing that God focuses on me as if I am the only person in the world. Why? Why do I think God is distracted? Why do I feel like God has other things to deal with than my silly requests and pleas?

When I was in high school, I played the computer game “The Sims.” This was way before it got all sketchy and graphic. Just the regular Sims game where you build a house and make a virtual living for this avatar that you create. The game gives you a bird’s eye view of everything within it.

 You can zoom in to focus on a specific part or you can zoom out and keep an eye out on everyone. I remember playing this game and working on something else with my avatar not in sight. After I was done building a house or playing with a virtual kitty or something, I would come back to check on my girl and see that her diamond (the mood detector) was turning red, which means something was wrong. I would find her staring into the sky (looking “right at me”) and waving her hands, jumping up and down, just trying to get my attention so I can fix whatever was wrong with her.

Sometimes I feel like a Sims avatar. God’s off doing His own thing, working with people who deserve it, speaking to those who have nothing, rescuing His children from evil, and then when He remembers that there’s a little someone just off the screen, He comes back and I’m frantically waving my hands at Him, desperate for some attention. Why do I think my loving God does that to me?

But here’s the catch: maybe God does give me His full attention and I choose not to see it. 

I lift my eyes to the hills – where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip – he who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The Lord watches over you - the Lord is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night. The Lord will keep you from all harm – he will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore. – Psalm 121

So, it’s pretty evident that God is watching over us. His attention to detail in the bible is incredible. I guess my finite mind can’t comprehend this. And I don’t feel the slightest bit worthy of God’s full attention. I’m embarrassed at who I’ve been. I’ve only let a select few into my past and the mistakes, failures, embarrassing moments, and flat out disasters that I’ve regrettably been a part of.

But this could also stem from my lack of communication with God over the past couple of weeks. I feel far away. I feel like I’m off screen, waving my hands and I have to do something to earn God’s glance in my direction. Tears were brought to my eyes as I wrote down what I was feeling this morning and I could hear God say, “…but you know that’s not true.” And I don’t feel like I have to earn my salvation. I’m just incredibly embarrassed at my laziness and my lack of motion towards the sovereign person Who loves me more than anyone ever could. I’m ashamed to admit to anyone, but moreso to God, that I haven’t even been trying.

So if you’re there with me, or have ever felt that way…let’s stick together, friend. We have to speak God’s promises and truths. Claiming His unfailing love, grace, and attention to us.

Of course, there’s a song for that. Sara Groves’ lyrics have spoken to me since I first heard her in 2001. Her song “How is it Between Us?” completely pierces my heart. I pulled out my guitar this morning and tearfully sung that song over and over. Every word of that song is how I’ve been feeling. Right on the money. This is why I’ve been feeling unnoticed. This is why my mood has been off. This is why everything else doesn’t work.

How is it Between Us?
Sara Groves

Woke up on the wrong side of the bed, the wrong side of the room
the wrong side of the world.
I can’t put my finger on the mood, it’s not melancholy, anger or the blues.
And I love my husband, my house, my job; couldn’t be any better
and really, what else is there?
Then I realize I’m forgetting God, it’s the root of all my misery
Lord, first of all, how is it between you and me?

How is it between us? How is it between us?
When did I talk to you last and what has happened since?
Lord, how is it between us? How is it between us?
When did I talk to you last and what has happened?

When I wake up I am on my way, reinventing the wheel and saving the day
And I’ve learned this lesson a thousand times,
I am the branch and you are the vine
And apart from you we are mice and men with our fancy dreams of grandeur
and no way to get there
And I can think about you now and then or I can make a mark on eternity
Lord, first of all, how is it between you and me?

So let the wicked prosper, let the oceans roar, let the mountains crumble and fall into the sea
There’s something more important weighing on my mind
Lord, how is it, how is it between you and me?

We take a chapter a week to read and study the scriptures he puts in there, and then meet together and talk about what we’ve read and how we can apply that in our lives today. Last week was an incredible conversation that lasted over two hours and sparked journaling from both of us. If you’re friends with Laura on facebook, go and read her note she published about it.

This week, we read chapter 4 and a section in there really spoke to me. I immediately thought about my church and our Leadership Team, so I’m posting this mainly for them. I think this information is VITAL to remember and always be aware of. It’s what we do.

So here’s an excerpt from Francis Chan’s Forgotten God, pg. 90-92.

“Did God lead you to where you are?  A lot of people in my church and in my travels tell me, “I believe that God has called me to Simi Valley.” Or Wichita. Or New York. Or Greenville. Or wherever. That very well may be the case. But it could also be a cop-out because you like where you live. You have a good job. The school district is safe and has high ratings. Your family lives close by (or perhaps far away, depending on your relationship with them). It makes sense that you are “called” to be there, right?

And maybe you are called to where you live. But if you say you are called to be in the place you are, a few questions need to be considered. For example, how would you be missed if you left this place? What would change? Basically, what difference does your presence here make? Or, as my youth pastor once asked me, what would your church (and the worldwide church) look like if everyone was committed as you are? If everyone gave and served and prayed exactly like you, would the church be healthy and empowered? Or would it be weak and listless?

My purpose in posing these questions is not to convince you to “go into the ministry.” I’m not about recruiting pastors or missionaries. My purpose in these questions is to get you to take 1 Cor. 12 seriously, to belive that you have been given a manifestation of the Spirit and that your church, the worldwide body of Christ, and the world are crippled without your involvement. I write this because I love the church and want you to trust that you are more than just a helpful addition. You need to believe you are a vital member. As real estate brokers, salesclerks, restaurant servers, baristas, teachers, dietitians, therapists, students, parents, farmers, school board members, and city council officials, you are vital members of the body of Christ. Ask yourself, Do I believe the church needs me like a body needs a mouth?

As part of the Spirit’s work through us for the “common good,” He empowers us to be His witnesses. If you are a teacher, have you thought about how you impact the students in your classes? If you are a coach, what sort of influence do you have on your team? What about other coaches you interact with? If you are a businessperson, how do you conduct yourself toward your customers and coworkers? Do they see a person who lives according to the Way of Jesus or someone who does business according to capitalistic and self-centered standards, just like everyone else? If you are a stay-at-home mom, how are you forming your children into lovers of Jesus? How are you reaching out and ministering to the neighbors God has placed around you?

It is true that God may have called you to be exactly where you are. But it’s absolutely vital to grasp that He didn’t call you there so you could settle in and live out your life in comfort and superficial peace. His purposes are not random or arbitrary. If you are still alive on this planet, it is because He has something for you to do! He placed us on this earth for purposes that He orchestrated long before we were born (Eph. 2:8-10). Do you believe you exist not for your own pleasure but to help people know the love of Jesus and to come fully alive in Him? If so, then that will shape how you live your life in the place where you are.”

I know that was a bit lengthy, but I couldn’t find anything to cut out. This whole section is highlighted in my book with notes in the margins. Wow. What an eye-opener. One of the things I wrote down was

When we see the value in what we are doing, it motivates us to keep doing it and to do it well.

How will that change what you do today? How will that change what you do tomorrow? How will that change our outlook on what we’re called to do? How can our church (LifeSpring) and the Body be changed if we applied those principals? How can ministry change? How does this motivate you?

You are breathing right this second because there is something God wants to do through you. That is why you’re alive. That’s the purpose in life.

Are you going to do it?

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. – Hebrews 12:1,2

This past weekend, my sister (who is an EMT) worked the Rock ‘N Roll Marathon in Savannah.  Meg and I are just getting into running semi-seriously. I started running while I was away this summer & came home and got Meg hooked on it in September. She sent me tons of videos and pictures of the race, declaring her excitement and how she wanted to be running right then. I couldn’t get her to shut up about it! But one thing she told me was brought back to my mind as I was reading these verses.

It was cold this past Saturday morning, and the race began at 7a. All of the runners participating had on multiple layers of clothing. Meghan said that after the first mile or so the runners would begin to strip off layers, throwing them on the ground. They removed the weight of the clothes so that they could run longer, faster, freer…

All the runners had a goal they were trying to reach as well. For some, it was 13.1 miles. For others it was 26.2 miles. But all of them were focused on the end and were giving it all they had to get there. They would remove all barriers and obstacles in their way to achieve it.

I think the same is required of us as believers. We are called to run. We are called to finish.

… let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us… [v.1]

We are called to run and run hard. What motivates us to run? Our faithful God who is calling us to love and serve Him to the best of our abilities. He’s called others in the past who have run, persevered, and WON. The first verse in Hebrews 12 speaks of a “great cloud of witnesses.” If you don’t know who that is, go back and read Hebrews 11. That chapter is slammed full of the people who have fought the fight, remained true, were disciplined, and ran with everything they had. What a strong and inspiring heritage we have! Sometimes we may feel alone, but we aren’t. We’re surrounded by an army of witnesses. They have run the race of faith and have finished well. It’s now our turn. So, how can we be just as successful? Here’s what I wrote down this morning:

• SURROUND YOURSELF WITH PEOPLE WHO ARE COMMITTED TO THE RACE. It’s so draining to be around people who don’t share our dreams, goals, and desires. We need to immerse ourselves in a living and active group of witnesses who will encourage us, strengthen us, and even carry us if we get too weak. Like-minded community is essential to running the race. Much of your own weight may result from the crowd that you run with. I am so thankful for Deb, Dorsia, Josh & our LLT who are running beside me, constantly reminding me what I’m supposed to be doing and how we can go about that together.

• BE DISCIPLINED. I’ve been wrestling with this word for months. Training for a marathon takes determination and discipline. It requires saying “no” to things and “yes” to other things, even if we don’t want to. I try to be disciplined in my daily running & exercise habits. I’m also trying to be more disciplined in the spiritual sense, meaning studying the Word, memorizing the Word, being open & vulnerable by confessing what my struggles are, fasting, praying intentionally. In both aspects of physically & spiritually discipline, it’s hard, believe it or not. Hebrews 12:11 says,

No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

• REMOVE UNNECESSARY BARRIERS. This may be a number of things. Too many things we’re involved in, procrastination, hidden sins, addictions, our past, our present, our future, our friends, our hobbies, our laziness, our lack of discipline, lack of self control, facebook, work… Try dropping or reducing some things that are weighing you down for a while, then check back and see the results it had in your life. Too much weight on our shoulders will slow us down or even drive us to the ground.

• KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE PRIZE. JESUS! He is the goal. Living for Him is our race! Yes at times we may get distracted or have to slow our pace down to a walk, but we should never forget what we’re aiming for.

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith. [v.2]

While Meghan was at the race on Saturday, she bought us necklaces.  We’re trying to tell ourselves that we’re experienced, hard core runners. If you meet with the LifeSpring Fitness Life Group on Saturday mornings, you know that is not the case about me. But I want to get there. I have my own personal goals for running and I’m slowly getting there. This necklace reminds me that I am a runner. But it also reminds me just what Hebrews 12:1 says. It encourages me to get out and physically run every day that I can, but also to run with perseverance the race that’s marked out for me in this life.

One of my favorite Hillsong Chapel songs came to mind as I was studying this morning. It’s called “Run” and it’s awesome. Give it a listen and read the lyrics. [We'll probably be doing this at LifeSpring very soon! ]

My sliding back door is open & the coolness is now settling into my house. I’m not banking on cooler weather from here on out, because let’s face it..this is still south Ga. It’ll be gone in a few days, but it’s still quite the preview of the fall that’s approaching. Fall is my favorite time of year. My family goes to the lake, I love the changing colors in the leaves, I love the crispness in the air that’s enough for a jacket, but not freezing your bones cold, I love drinking coffee outside (hello, pumpkin spice latte), I love grilling out, playing games outside. The weather is just more inviting when it cools off some. The heat is so offensive. My poor hair has been pulled up and back since May. There’s no need to fix it, because once I step foot outside the heat and humidity poof/frizz it back out again.

My God is too good. I’m loving being in an evolving relationship with Him. Once I feel like we’re settling in and getting into a routine, He shows me something else that blows my doors off. This morning was a huge blessing as I was discussing a devo & scripture with a dear friend, thru text mind you. And the cool weather, AND a good run (where I still sweated like a dog) AND a good smoothie I just whipped up? My heart is just so content. It compels me to write…and to read. I love being in this place of freedom & openness. All of my barriers are down and I’m just waiting on God to tell me what to do. Because nothing is holding me back anymore. I am His alone. Thank You, Father.

I’m anticipating today and the rest of this week to continue to go well. I have to go home tonight to take care of mama as much as I can over the next week or so. She’s having back surgery. It’ll be nice to be at home for a while, but lately every time I go home my heart misses my Statesboro family. I find myself wanting to come back here to be near the other members of my family who aren’t related to me. God has blessed me with an amazing church to be a part of & I have fallen head over heels in love with the people there.

The banana in this smoothie is too ripe and it’s tangy. I’m going to pour me another cup of coffee & snuggle up & read before the weekly Wednesday meetings take over the rest of my day.

Starting in verse 42a, “As Jesus was on his way, the crowds almost crushed him.” Now, nothing too spiritual here. Luke is just setting up the atmosphere so we can understand this story. When I read this, I picture Wal-Mart on Black Friday. Ridiculous amounts of people everywhere you look. When you move, you’re always touching someone. To me, that’s annoying. I hate big crowds. I hate walking slow, bumping into people… when you’re going somewhere, walk with a purpose. Get there and get things done. But Jesus had attracted a crowd and they were all trying to see Him and touch Him. Think about the smell, too. It was outside and with hundreds of people gathering around in one place, I’m sure it was hot and stinky. I bet it was a dry day too, so I imagine it being dusty and sandy. Especially with all of the people shuffling by, kicking up the sandy ground. It was a dirty, stinky, crowded, hot place to be in. Moving on…

“And a woman was there who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years, but no one could heal her,” verse 43. Poor, poor lady. I mean, being honest, I can barely even handle 6 days every month, but this poor woman dealt with that every day of her life for the past twelve years. Think back to twelve years ago. I was 13 years old. I can’t even imagine bleeding starting when I was 13 years old through today, being 25 years old. Are you kidding me? The woman had tried to seek help. Other gospels say that she had spent all she had on doctors, yet no one could heal her. This would stir up some sort of desperation. She probably had heard stories of this Jesus and what he had done. She heard of Him healing lepers, making the blind see, and even bringing dead people back to life again. This man had something different that doctors could not offer to her. So when she heard that Jesus was coming to town, she figured, “Why not? I’ve tried everything else.” Maybe that’s what drew her out that day. Either way, she sought after Him and when she spotted Him, she took a risk. Verse 44:

“She came up behind him and touched the edge of his cloak, and immediately her bleeding stopped.”

Those 17 words slap me in the face every time I read them. Let me break it down the way I did:

1. “She came up behind him…” Pause. Behind Him? Didn’t she know that He was the Son of God? She had heard stories of His healings. I mean, that’s the reason why she went out there. So why in the world would she try to sneak attack Him? Maybe she was beyond embarrassed at the condition itself. Who wants to admit, outloud, in front of a bajillion people that you’ve had this horrible condition for 12 years? Maybe she didn’t want to say it outloud because Jesus was a man and speaking to a man like that would be unthinkable, especially a man who had earned celebrity status by this point of His life. Or maybe there was a side of her that doubted that she really could truly be healed and free of this burden she had carried for so long. In the chance that she was again told, “I’m sorry. There’s nothing I can do,” she didn’t want to show her face, which would undoubtedly show disappoint and maybe even tears, as she had with being told that very phrase over and over again. Perhaps she felt like her burden didn’t measure up to the other tasks He had completed. That she could deal with this more so than a leper could deal with his sickness. We don’t know why she snuck up from behind. But still, her boldness encourages me. Moving on…
2. “…and touched the edge of his cloak…” I can just picture her standing there, lump in her throat, eyes welling up with tears, taking a deep breath and uttering, “Well…it’s worth a shot,” closing her eyes and slowly reaching out her hand. She must have felt very vulnerable stretching her fingers forward, perhaps expecting to be caught mid-reach and fussed at. She was taking a chance, not knowing what the outcome would be. She dared to reach out and allowed her fingertips to brush the very edge of Jesus’ cloak. And the miracle?
3. “…and immediately her bleeding stopped.” Wow. The power even in the threads of Jesus’ clothes is unthinkable. Her faith in Who He was and what He had done proved true and it healed her. These next few verses make me smile:

“‘Who touched me?’ Jesus asked.” Can you imagine the disciples faces when Jesus asked that question? “Um, Jesus…haha. I don’t mean to be a jerk here and state the obvious, but…there are hundreds of people here. Everybody is touching everybody. I mean, I just bumped into you. Is that what you mean? I’m sorry. Andrew over here pushed me and I just knocked right into you. I’ll tell him to knock it off when I–” “Someone touched me, I know that power has gone out from me.”

I can picture Jesus turning around and around, searching for the person who had touched Him. I can see everyone else close to Him searching too. Then, they see a woman kneeling on the ground, tears streaming down her face. The crowds part and she slowly comes closer to Jesus. Then “In the presence of all the people, she told why she had touched him and how she had been instantly healed.” She swallowed her pride and spoke it outloud…in front of men, women, children, and Jesus…the Savior of the world. I bet she didn’t make eye contact with many as she was confessing this. I’m sure she felt she was going to be in trouble. Maybe even put to death for daring to do such a thing. After her story, I picture Jesus smiling at her, and maybe putting a hand on her cheek and drawing her eyes up to meet His. Then He speaks gently to her, “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace.”

With a small wink, Jesus stands back up and slowly moves to his next task. If I was this woman, I would be paralyzed. Overwhelmed at what had just happened. I wouldn’t know whether to cry or jump around and shout for joy. If twitter had existed back then, I’m sure she would’ve tweeted something…still unsure of how to put all of this into words. First of all, she was healed. Hallelujah, she was finally free! Second, Jesus’ phrase directly to her probably pierced her heart unlike anything ever before. He had called her daughter. He had claimed ownership over her. He then told her to go in peace. Not to go and second guess ever leaving the house that day or for feeling bad for taking such a risk, but to go in peace which gave her confidence to tell her story over and over again. After the crowds had left and regular life had resumed on that dusty road, I bet she was still sitting there amazed at the miracle and love that just took place. She finally finds strength to stand up and to head back to her home, to tell all her friends and family what had just happened.

Wow. What an inspiring story. I wonder… What things in our lives are we embarrassed about and try to hide, so we sneak around half-heartedly believing we can be free? Thankfully, we don’t have to sneak around behind Jesus to present our faults, fears, and sicknesses. Ephesians 3:12 says, “In him and through faith in him we may approach God with freedom and confidence.” What would happen if we trusted in Jesus like this woman did, and dared to reach out and allow our hands to brush the fibers of the cloak…or in some cases grasp a handful in our desperation? I wonder how our lives could change if we, at our lowest points, would seek after God and allow Him to heal us and have His hand turn our face towards Him, hearing Him say, “Precious son or daughter. You are free. You are healed. Your faith in me has healed you. Now, go in peace.”

I got back from Passion 2011 on Tuesday night and so far, my life has been changed. I’ve been hanging around here, not doing much but meditating on scripture and what God showed me through the amazing conference. It’s almost overwhelming. It’s three days of straight bible study, singing your heart out loud and proud to God, community groups, and family groups that go much deeper than a room full of 22,000 college kids can go. There was hardly any time to process what was being said and also hardly any time to sleep.

Just a brief mention of who was there… David Crowder Band, Christy Nockles, Chris Tomlin, Matt Reman, Charlie Hall, and Kristian Stanfill led us all in music. Wow. Learned some incredible new songs that I can’t wait to play and lead in another worship setting. LifeSpring is about to get some awesome new worship tunes up in there. Our speakers were incredible…Louie Giglio, Beth Moore, Beth Moore (Yes. She deserves two mentions. I love her), Francis Chan, Andy Stanley, and John Piper.

Some things that stick out to me from the conference:
-22,000 college students walking in silence after the most intense and incredible worship experience I have ever been a part of.
-being prayed over by a student from China, in Chinese, looking up and seeing tears streaming down her face as she poured out her heart to God for all of us.
-singing in English and in Spanish “God of this city” with a Brazilian worship leader.
-watching poor college students give over $1million dollars to help causes around the world.
-Reading outloud and praying Isaiah 61 for Haiti
-meeting two dear people from Haiti that the Passion movement has “adopted” and donating money for the young daughter to go to college

I can’t even begin to describe all I felt and saw there. But above the speakers and the music and the money, GOD was there and has radically ROCKED my life up. I realized that I had just been using Jesus as my “buddy” or my “prayer answerer” whenever I needed Him. It wasn’t a TRUE, deep, meaningful relationship with Him . Well, folks, that.has.changed!! I can’t start to tell you in specific ways in this blog post, because it’s a lot and it probably won’t make a lot of sense, but I have written numerous pages in my journal about it and God even gave me a song that I penned down and recorded yesterday!

And the good news? This feeling, this high, this mountaintop can stay for as long as I let it. As long as my focus is on Jesus and nothing else, the fire that was started in my heart at Passion will never die. Praise Him. I’m still walking through some things and seeking after God for His perfect will in my life and where He wants me and what He wants me to do, because that has been weighing so heavy on my heart and spirit for months and probably even closer to a year. We’ve been talking and seeking through things together and I have a feeling He’s got something in store for me that I can’t even imagine. It’s hard not to be discouraged sometimes, though.

Does God give you dreams and inspirations that are just too big for us? Because there are two or three desires of my heart right now that just aren’t working out and aren’t coming into play. But like Mama Beth said, God knows the heart BEHIND our desire. Maybe He’s waiting for me or maybe I just have to wait and trust in Him.

That’s enough thinking and blogging for this morning. Time to get moving and get some things done today.

“Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ.” – Phil. 1:27

Dizzy.

That’s how you feel when you run into a significant other you haven’t seen in a long time. A bitter avalanche of icy memories plows into your chest at breakneck speed, stealing the very breath from your lungs. Gasping for air, there’s really no use fighting it; the blow is instantaneous and it’s overpowering. Your eyes land on this person, your heart immediately stops dead, your knees go weak and you internally panic. You force yourself to walk over, but before either of you say hello, you’ve already got an endless amount of things you secretly want to say and an equally lengthy list of questions you wish you could ask.

What affection the two of you once shared was absolutely beautiful, consequently rendering any unanticipated meetings thereafter twice as awkward. But as everyone always reminded you, life has a way of operating, God has a mysterious way of working, and sometimes things change without a moment’s warning. Even after it was all said and done, it’s still hard to imagine how things could’ve ever evolved from “always” to “never” in what seemed like a single dramatic heartbeat.

Months and months later, you run into this particular person unexpectedly and the realization hits you like a brick wall. The pain is still there. It’s almost as painful as the night you said goodbye. Enough time has passed to con you into thinking you’ve begun to heal, and of course you probably have, but then you see this person and suddenly those old familiar aches begin to hurt all over again. You were finally beginning to mend after what happened, the relationship withered and ended, however dramatically, but the moment you lock eyes with this person you once shared so many dreams with, your stomach turns and a bitter taste fills your mouth. You can barely breathe. Half of you aches for things to be the way they once were, the other half longs to forget the whole thing ever happened. Regardless of your role in the conclusion of the relationship, it left you shattered and bringing it up after all this time would only pour another dose of potent heartbreak for both of you.

So there you are, standing face-to-face, unsure of what to say aside from the typical small talk jabber. A myriad of emotions swirl through both your heads but they only make former lovers more confused. Maybe you hug an awkward I-haven’t-seen-you-in-forever gesture, but that familiar mixed scent of perfume and cologne makes it even more impossible to know how to act, brief as the impending conversation inevitably will be. You just can’t stop thinking “things will never be the way they used to be” and that’s what hurts most. You both know where your identities lie, Who ultimately claims your hearts and where your fortresses are… and those things are truly what matter most, but this unforeseen meeting is still severely painful and there’s no denying that. It keeps you both awake for nights.

As healing as it is, you can only drive around at night listening to The Swiss Army Romance so many times.

I must bake. Even if it’s terrible.

I’ve had a craving for oatmeal cookies lately. I looked some recipes up and found some cool ones online, but I was drawn to the low fat one for some reason. Maybe because it had over 75 comments that were just raving about how fantastic they were and how people altered them to make them even more low fat and delicious. I printed it out and attempted them tonight. As Julie Powell once said, “I read somewhere that it was bad form to say “yum” while you are eating, but YUM!”

The recipe I used was as follows:

Low Fat Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies
1 cup all purpose flour (I wanted wheat flour, but store was out.)
1 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp ground cinnamon
2 tbsp butter, room temperature
1/2 white sugar (I used Splenda)
1/2 cup brown sugar (I used light brown sugar)
1 large egg
1/4 cup plain, unsweetened apple sauce
1/2 tsp vanilla extract
2 cups quick cooking oats
1 cup chocolate chips (I used 1/2 cup)

Directions: Preheat over to 350F and line a baking sheet with parchment paper. In a medium bowl, mix together the flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt, and cinnamon. In a large bowl, cream together the butter and the sugars. Then beat in the egg, followed by the applesauce and the vanilla extract. Then stir in by hand the flour mixture and the oats until just combined and no streaks of flour remain. Then mix in the chocolate chips. Drop tablespoons of the dough onto the baking sheet, shaping and flattening each cookie slightly. Bake for about 10-12 minutes. Cookies will be light brown at the edges when done. Let cool on sheet for about 3 minutes, then transfer to a wire rack to completely cook. Store in airtight container. Makes about 2 dozen cookies.

Seems simple enough, but if you know my past experiences, you know how easy it is for me to mess everything up. But this time…the first time in my baking life, I did it right and they are delicious!! There are probably some more things to substitute in to make it more low fat, but I didn’t have time to figure all of that out this time. I will be making these again, so I will experiment with that later on. The ONLY thing I would change would be to not add any chocolate chips. I love just a good oatmeal cookie. I may add a bit more cinnamon or use cinnamon applesauce because I’m a cinnamon junkie, but these are still very good!

Wish you could smell what I’m smelling now! My own private coffee shop with pastries. Mmm.

I leave you with pictures of my successful attempt at baking these cookies:

Mess = Success

This mix gets thick and kinda hard to stir

Sticky, thick dough is hard to shape nicely...

View from the outside of the oven

Finished. Don't look different, but they're much harder

Cooling down and making the house smell so good!

Add a cup of coffee = perfection!

Mmmmmmmmm!!!!!! This success increases my confidence to try other recipes…although not right away. Don’t wanna jinx it. But soon!